The moment I realized my life was filled with trepidation changed everything.
I'd like to think I don't overreact, but I'm introspective about everything. I'm a deep thinker,
overly analytical. And it was that magical day when I realized my life was overwhelmingly
filled with fear—always afraid of something bad happening, someone thinking the worst.
We all start out young, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Naivety is a beautiful thing when it's in
the company of the right people.
I was a late bloomer. It took until midlife to realize I was extremely naive.
I've heard people say they had to learn to forgive themselves, and I never understood what
that meant. I thought you just ask God for forgiveness and move on. But I had to stop being
so hard on myself for all the things I just didn't know.
I never thought relationships should be that hard. You shouldn't have to figure people out.
Looking back over my life years later, I was blown away by the treacherous waters I walked
through—naive as could be. Even more important, I wasn't angry but sad at the people who
were fine allowing this because there was some benefit in it for them.
I've always been the type to just ask for what I want. Never beat around the bush. I didn't
want to think every single person was awful and had it out for me, but what else is left to
think?
Here's what I know: God, being the precious Father that He is, allowed me to go through life
seemingly on a magic carpet ride even in times that should have been treacherous.
Some people would look and say my life was difficult. I still think that even in the midst of
all that, Jesus Christ put His hand in my life and it wasn't.
I still thank God for those times because I needed those people to
catapult me to this next place.
But there are times when I settle on my thoughts and I'm still like, "God, really? For real?"
What treacherous waters did your naivety lead you through that God turned into a magic
carpet ride?
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